Growing up in a primarily white community, I was put into a bubble where race and culture didn't seem to impact aspects of life. However, the novel,
Americanah, revealed that many layers of life are affected by this. The most interesting layer is the impact race and culture have on relationships. As Ifemelu states to Obinze, "' The thing about cross-cultural relationships is that you spend so much time explaining'" (Adichie 562). All of Ifemelu's relationships in America support her claim. They're filled with power-hungry, objectifying, and intelligent-doubting men. Is it truly culture-indifference that explains these failed relationships? First, let's look at the relationship with Curt. He is a very wealthy, white male. In their relationship, he showered her with gifts, fancy trips, and new opportunities. He was able to spoil her in a way that she had never experienced before. However, there is a certain intelligence gap between them. She would read novels, while he watched football games. She would tease him about the stupidity of the sports (Adichie 246). This may seem like a silly example; however, Ifemelu wasn't ever able to grow intellectually with him. Does this have to do with the cultural difference? Ifemelu grew up in a world where education was prioritized because it provided opportunities for a better life. Curt grew up in a world where opportunities were handed to him. This major difference between them created a gap in their relationship that could never quite be fulfilled. Next, let's investigate Blaine's relationship. Even though differences in race weren't a factor in their relationship, they still faced issues. Their relationship was a professor-student style. For example, in Ifemelu's blog, he urges her to go into more depth, yet that is not the style Ifemelu is trying to portray. Her reluctance to follow her advice causes him to say, "' You're being lazy, Ifem'" (Adichie 387). There is a sense that he is trying to change her, to mold her into a more "intelligent" woman. Even though they both had to work hard to gain opportunities, there is still a disconnection between them. Is it because he grew up in a country where race is everything, while Ifemelu grew up in a country where race was invisible? These are the types of questions that strike me. Her relationships had many bumps potentially because of the cross-culture. I fully believe that relationships can work with anybody; however, there is always going to be extra effort put in when differences in culture occur. As soon as Ifemelu returned to Obinze, it was like destiny. It was so easy for them to dive right back into it (besides him having a wife, which is a different story). Is their relationship so easy because there is no explanation needed?
This blog post is wonderful! Your comment on the intelligence gap in Ifemelu and Curt's relationship struck me. In my experience, people who have the greatest access to education are the people who struggle to identify their privilege the most. I especially saw this a lot in high school when it became time to apply to college. Lots of kids in my grade, and many of my friends, were able to take SAT or ACT tutoring throughout their junior year in preparation for those exams. While we were applying to college during COVID and most colleges and universities changed their policies to no longer require standardized test scores, many people still chose to take these tests. The whole-time kids were taking these tutoring courses they would complain. They would say it was boring, took too much of their time, was not helping them, etc. They were not able to acknowledge that their parents were spending hundreds of dollars, if not at least a thousand dollars, to prepare them to get into a good school. This type of opportunity is a luxury! Yet, this was the culture we grew up in. This experience gives me insight into what Curt's character would be like in real life. While, living in Nigeria was not chock-full of struggle and Ifemelu had the opportunity to achieve higher education, she had a deep understanding of the privilege it was. She grew up in a culture where education was not taken for granted. These differences between Curt and Ifemelu's views and experiences in education obviously do influence their relationship. It is also obvious that Curt is unable to empathize with Ifemelu consistently and on a level that would make getting past these differences possible. Culture plays a big part in relationships, no matter the level of intimacy they make take on but should not be a reason to not try to make a difficult relationship work. I think that if Curt and Ifemelu had tried harder to communicate and understand each other their relationship could have worked. Yet, this does not happen.
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